Liam Halewood writes “That looks painful” in explosive TV column

08 Sep Liam Halewood writes “That looks painful” in explosive TV column

by Liam Halewood

Hello gorgeous people! How are we all? It’s me again – that camp ‘scouser’ with a heart of gold – ready to sprinkle my usual weekly dose of Reality TV dust on Essex T.V.

Last weekend was so exciting for me because XFactor started and what a bloody start it was.

First to audition this series was Rak-Su who, to be honest, are not really my bag when it comes to music. This is because I am more of a diva person. However, I am going to give it to them, their original song, I’m Feeling You, has got hit written all over it and I was genuine impressed by the level of chemistry this band had. So, good luck to them.

The ‘scousers’ were out in force and first up, let’s talk about Anthony, the little Jack Russell.

Oooops! Sorry. No! I mean Russell. What was with the black eye? I mean, come on! He could have used some concealer to cover it up. He looked like he had been in the ring with Conor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather!

Anyway. Anthony is no stranger to XFactor having already auditioned previously when he was 14 and let’s say, he hasn’t matured any apart from his voice.

This guy has a chance of going far in the competition because you can tell he is top blagger.

He knows how to play the game but, to be honest, he is talented too. So watch this space with that one.

In wanders Kayleigh – another ‘scouser’ – who I think is talented. However, she let herself down by giving a quote to the Sun newspaper. Who does that when they come from Liverpool! Oh yes! That’s right! Mel C.

Anyway. Rant over. I’ll leave that there. Kayleigh! You enjoy your 15 minutes of fame girl as it won’t last long. The reason I say this is because it has been leaked that she had already been on ITV before. And where has she appeared on ITV before? Cue the Jeremy Kyle Show music. The judges were really impressed with her voice and her version of the Evanessance classic, but personally, I don’t think she will go far in the competition.

The star for me though was Grace. As soon as she walked in that room you could tell she was grateful for her opportunity and boy, did she run with the opportunity. Performing her original song, Roots, she really got to me. Being a club and pub singer, I got why the judges were so bowled over with her talent. It reminded me of Ella Henderson’s first audition. Star quality written all over it.

Watch out for that one throughout the whole series.

I am going to throw in a couple of special mentions. Alex and Joel probs will make the live shows because they are unique and quirky. Oh, and one of them fancies Louis Walsh which always makes for good TV. That Gaga audition was gaga to say the least. What, with the help of Nicole and guest judge Alesha, doing the whole bond routine to the Shirley Bassey classic, it had XFactor entertainment written all over it.

I had better mention the judges, Simon, Nicole, Sharon and Louis, who all looked shamazeballs. I am just loving the vibe from them this year. Plus, I have to say that Dermot O’Leary, ever the professional, is bringing his slick presenting and gorgeous looks back to the XFactor again this year. You can catch the X-Factor auditions every Saturday and Sunday at 8pm.

Now to the first of the shows on E4 that I am going to write about – Celebs Go Dating.

Five celebs set off on the quest for love but the girls defo stole the show for me. And that’s not me being biased because I know Charlotte.

Charlotte Dawson, you absolute diamond and shining star. You are just like your dad. Comedy gold. So funny to watch. And anyone who thinks they are being classy by ordering Jägerbombs is a winner in my eyes. I also have to mention tat she picked well for her first date. Jordan, you were a hunk but, that outfit you turned up in mate. Lol. You looked like a ‘Primarni’ special with a Reebok Classic thrown in for good measure. I’m ringing my mate, Gok Wan, to sort you out before your next date. Lol.

I cannot believe I am saying this but, because of Celebs Go Dating, I have fallen in love with Bobby Norris. I really didn’t know that he was that confident about himself and I am so glad he has gone on this show. At the mixer, he picked Paul. And Bobby? You picked well.

You defo deserved a 10 for your date. It was so nice to see two men dating on television. Big up to our LGBTQ community and thank you to E4 and Celebs Go Dating for displaying this on your channel.

I also have to mention Nadia. You are a lot naughtier this series and I’m glad you liked your eye s..g..g from Callum. Eden? Your style this series mate, is just on fire. Jordan, Charlotte’s date, really needs your help!

Tom is just as delightful as always!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️ Looking forward to the next instalment.

Now onto my fave programme of the moment, Body Fixers.

First in are identical twins Caitlin and Steph. I don’t no why, but identical twins scare me. It’s like how, why do they look so alike? Anyway. They have come in because one is getting married and the other is her sisters chief bridesmaid. Both want to look different on the day which, to be fair, is understandable. When it comes to that part of the ceremony, the groom needs to know which one he should kiss, doesn’t he? So, the two Ronnie’s, ( I mean Danny and Alex), got to work to make them look different and boy did they.

Steph ended up looking like Mel C but with much better eyebrows and Caitlin looked like Claire from Steps. They both looked incredible. Enjoy the ‘big day’ girlies.

Next was Raph. When he walked in, I thought, “there’s nothing wrong with this lad”, but then he opened his mouth! I noticed his little baby tooth that hadn’t fully grown. So this was a job for the gorgeous Italian, ( and I don’t mean a pepperoni stuffed crust pizza), Dr Nina who give Raph a good drilling in the dental sense. Dr Nina, you are the best! His new smile looked incredible and I cannot wait for my appointment at the end of September to get my own new smile so I can stop pouting. Lol.

Please Body Fixers stylists. Tell me where that shirt is from on Raph because I want, want, want it!

Next in is glam gran Rio who is looking for a man. And she is definitely a cougar because she wants a younger man. Rio chose Daniel Granger, flirting her socks off with the Hottie from Nottie! I’m not jealous at all haha. Daniel and Alex, you made Rio look absolutely fabulous and ready to find her new man. I am sure right now she is sipping cocktails in Soho with her new beau.

You can’t have an episode of Body Fixers without a performer. In walks Adele who seems to be a mosquito, blood sucking machine.

I cannot believe it! This week we got to meet Dr Esho’s massive – wait for it – laser. Yes folks. You with the filthy minds. His massive laser. Haha.

Watching this treatment, I thought OMG! That looks painful. But Adele wasn’t flinching at all and with Dr Esho’s big machine, her legs were clear to go and Can Can some more.

On this episode I was so proud to see the gorgeous Sophie doing it for our LGBT community. Sophie is trans man to woman and was the first transgender to pass their Academy of Arts Ballet exam. You go girl. Alex? I have to say you are a makeup artist to be reckoned with mate and you defo helped Sophie connect with her femininity.

You could see in her eyes how pleased she was with her makeover in the Body Fixers clinic.

I’m sure it’s says on that door, ‘No Animals Allowed’, in the clinic but, that didn’t stop Adam the Tiger, who was the last client in the clinic. Got to say Adam looked dapper and I absolutely loved that transformation because he did look like he had just asked me for some spare change in the middle of town. Lol.

Remember you can watch Body Fixers on a Thursday at 9pm over on E4.

Well. It’s been fabulous to write my column again for you guys and gals. Sorry there’s only been a couple of video’s during the week. I promise you will see more of my ugly mug more next week.

Bye for now and lots of hugs and luvs from Liam xx